Janice Tovey
2 min readNov 12, 2021

The New Non-Negotiables

The old criteria for choosing a partner is exactly that! Old, out dated, areva durche, sayonara, adios, good bye!

The indicators of looks, possessions and finances, while important, don’t necessarily ensure a healthy, happy, long term relationship.

When searching for a soul mate, the time has come to be asking different questions.

Instead of is he/she good looking, we could be asking if he/she is attractive on the inside?

Yes he/she can manage their own company, but can he/she handle their own feelings?

Can he/she show empathy, display authentic feelings, and genuinely love him/herself?

Of course, it totally depends on what you are looking for in a partner. We are all different, and what is important to one person may not be of value to another. And true, we are absolutely not all searching for a long term relationship.

However, if an individual is considering another person for the long run, the time may have come to dig a little deeper.

Consider the following:

Does the person bring out the best in you?

Is the person flexible? Can they handle shades of grey and ambivalence?

Is the person connected to their own emotional world and yours?

Are your values similar?

Do you and the person share common interests? Can you successfully share down time?

Is the person committed to life time learning and growing?

Does this person have a good sense of humor, without the use of sarcasm or hostility?

Do you make each other laugh?

Does this person display compassion and kindness?

Is there empathy and an ability to work through life’s daily struggles?

Do you feel good in the presence of this person?

Is there trust?

Annie Foskett, writing in (March 19, 2018) talked about The 10 Wisest Pieces of Dating Advice People Got From Their Therapists.

  1. Letting go is hard but necessary.
  2. Don’t settle
  3. In the end, we’re all responsible for ourselves.
  4. Love yourself
  5. Don’t be afraid to feel pain.
  6. It takes two.
  7. Stay in the now.
  8. Timing is everything.
  9. It’s OK to allow yourself to be cared for.
  10. Don’t bring your partner down with you.

Some food for thought and points to ponder as we navigate the complex world of love and relationships.

Janice Tovey

My passion is writing. I also love reading, teaching, animals, nature, music, and humor. I am curious about everything and enjoy writing about all things.