THIRD CHAPTER: IF I SELF-PUBLISHED so can YOU!

WHY ME?

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“The only thing that makes like unfair is the delusion that it should be fair.” Steve Maraboli

Chapter 3

Why me?

I could spend hours and days ruminating about the unfairness of life. I could make mental lists of who was to blame. I could beat myself up for not taking better care of myself. Yes, self-awareness is important but so is survival. Focusing on the past and negativity, trying to figure things out, was not the answer. Not for me anyway. It was like I was spinning my wheels. I ha to move forward. And to move forward, I came to realize that I did not need to know every scientific fact, nor did I need to obsess about the past.

It is seductive, living in the past, focusing on negativity instead of trying to muster the courage to move forward. I know it is not easy! I spent so much time blaming the medication I was taking, the doctors for not listening and family members for not understanding.

Oh I longed for detailed explanations. I wanted to know exactly what was going on. That way I could fix it. I was that kind of person. Define the problem, gather information, put it all together and find a solution.

It was confusing. No one could really give me an answer. Was I clinically depressed? I didn’t think so and neither did my therapist. Was I low in serotonin, high in epinephrine and dopamine? I didn’t know. I reached out to many different professionals and they all had slightly different opinions on what was wrong with me. And nothing happened fast. I was frantic for answers. I needed to fix this.

Excerpt taken from my self-published book: HEAL ANXIETY! I DID! SURVIVE AND THRIVE. J.R. TOVEY

Thank you for reading.